Never
by C. LeShay
Summary: This was not the kind of love Ichigo wanted to feel for Rukia.  This was dangerous, possessive, and it will consume them both.  But for as long as she was with him, he didn't mind being the villain.


Never

A fanfiction by C. LeShay

A/N: In the middle of my Sex for Dummies fic, this idea popped out. It pestered me to no end until I was forced to sit and write it down. This is completely different from my previous works. I do not own Bleach.

She was going to return.

There was no way she wouldn't return, not after hearing everything.

Ichigo felt himself smile with the realization that his plan was working.

Kuchiki Rukia was returning to him. This time she will never leave again.

…

…

…

Never. If anyone had told him that he would have fallen in love with the soul of a dead woman more than eight times his age which a passion that no human or shinigami could ever hope of matching, Kurosaki Ichigo would have socked them to oblivion for sprouting such nonsense.

Then Kuchiki Rukia came into his life, changing it, and him into ways he could never imagine. She transferred her powers to him, that fateful night, in order to help him protect his family. At that moment when she thrust her sword through his heart, Ichigo knew that whatever in the future might happen, they were no longer the same.

In hindsight, Ichigo rationalized that in that moment, they were bonded for all eternity.

Surprisingly, they started at detesting each other before it turned into something else. Neither could stand the other at first. However, hostile feelings were replaced with grudging respect and admiration before it morphed into something else entirely.

Was that love? Ichigo, despite his image had an old-fashioned view of emotions and life. He was bound by concepts of honor, justice, compassion, and love. It was a well-kept secret that was handed over by his mother's death. Love was honoring, protecting, caring, and cherishing another person with your whole being. Thus Ichigo did all he could to the one he found himself loving: Kuchiki Rukia.

Their relationship was tempestuous. It was something that was ripped out of a play. They loved fiercely and violently, like swords that clashed so hard they gave off sparks. They were like the scorching heat of the sun, blinding the people near them with their intensity. Other times they were like the cool beauty of the moon, bathing the others with their silent yet magnificent rightness of each other's company. Ichigo has always thought of them as a single unit, something that can withstand anything by the sheer power of their will to be together.

Yet all of that changed when Ichigo turned 30 and Rukia was promoted as a fukutaicho in Gotei 13.

…

…

…

Kuchiki Rukia never allowed fear to dominate her being. She had always been a strong woman, who had an iron-clad will. For 10 years she was the strong and capable fukutaicho of the 13th division, the sister of the illustrious head of the noble Kuchiki clan. Nothing fazed her anymore.

Except this.

The prospect of seeing Ichigo was something that she dreaded. Surely, reports should have been exaggerated; perhaps, the fifth seat of their division was something else. But Renji himself confirmed it and it shocked her the most.

This was not supposed to happen. Ichigo had to stay behind. Despite their apparent fondness for the substitute shinigami, Gotei 13 decreed that Kurosaki Ichigo had to live out what was supposed to be his natural life in Karakura before he would be allowed to return to Soul Society. Rukia steeled her resolve not to return to him until she was allowed to escort him to his afterlife. They were shinigami, for crying out loud, if this was something they could not get past, how can they expect to survive the rough life of being a soul reaper? Surely, Ichigo did not expect the two of them to be joined at the hip for all eternity?

Biting her lips in nervousness, Rukia raced to Ichigo's house with just one word flashing through her mind: Was she wrong in thinking that Ichigo could handle this?

…

…

…

(flashback)

"Why?"

"Ichigo."

The substitute shinigami gave her a stern glare. "What's their point in leaving me here?"

Rukia clenched her fists. "You have to live out your natural life first, Ichigo –

"Rukia, we both know that I was already dead the moment Urahara awakened my shinigami powers. This is a load of crap, why are you agreeing with them?"

The anger in his eyes were apparent. However it was the disappointment that was making Rukia unnerved.

"You were not supposed to die then, Ichigo. It was NOT your time!" Rukia shouted, glaring at him with bloodshot yet defiant eyes. "You have to live out what was supposed to be your natural life, grow old, then die. To let you stay in Soul Society now would ruin the balance of spirits." She lowered her hands and looked at him, almost willing him to understand. "You'll be a Taicho, Ichigo; after you die. I'll pick you up and send you to Soul Society where your hollow –

"I already suppressed my hollow, Rukia." Ichigo said quietly. "No vaizard has ever called out a hollow and completely merge it with their soul without losing themselves; and I did that. I can even do it without a mask!"

"Your hollow has no place in Soul Society."

Ichigo tensed at the hard words. "I thought –

"I already accepted you, Ichigo. You and your hollow." Rukia muttered "But Soul Society will NOT. If you still have it you might destroy them all."

Grudgingly, Ichigo felt satisfied that Rukia said 'them' instead of 'us.' She trusted him enough to know that he would never destroy her, hurt her, and cause her pain. "Rukia, I can't just let it go, this power –

"Are you that addicted to that power, Ichigo?"

"What the hell? Why do you keep on interrupting me, Rukia?" Ichigo spat out angrily. "I'm trying to explain my side here!" He then glared at the woman before he continued. "What I meant is that this power is so attuned with my own. It has become one with Zangetsu."

Rukia looked at him in disbelief.

"If I remove him, I might be weakened, considerably."

"Ichigo, you're power is strong enough on its own." Rukia said. There was no way she would acknowledge the importance of the hollow. Ichigo did not need it anymore.

His next words shattered her.

"I cannot protect everyone if I am weak, Rukia."

Ichigo wanted to be free from the hollow, that was true; but without its added strength, he would be at a disadvantage. He had to be strong; constantly strong, to protect his sisters, his friends, and most especially that pesky shinigami who often said that she never needed his help..

Feeling fear grip her, Rukia sunk to the ground. "Ichigo. If you have that hollow, you cannot enter Soul Society. You will never be allowed to Soul Society."

Slowly, Ichigo sat beside the woman who meant the world to him. "Stay with me here."

Rukia's eyes flashed to awareness. "What?"

"Stay with me." Ichigo said, taking hold of her cheek in his large hand. "I've arranged Urahara to make us some gigai. Something that will grow old like my old man's but will not eat our powers. We can live a normal life – unless we're fighting hollows of course. We'll get married, Rukia. We can have a family, and live the kind of life we wanted." Ichigo looked into her eyes, the eyes he wanted to see for all eternity. "When we turn 70 or so, we can draw lots to see who'll 'die' first. Then we'll take on another similar gigai, live miles away and come back to Karakura again to fight hollows and see our grandkids." He tried to smile. "Don't you wish to know how being 15 feels like?"

Rukia felt herself choke on unshed tears. "Ichigo."

"Please, Rukia. I'm sure Byakuya would consent. Soul Society owes us, they should let us be."

"Ichigo." Now tears were falling freely from Rukia's eyes, dripping onto her clenched hands.

"I'm sure that when Ishida, Inoue, Chad, and the others die, they can come visit us too."

"I'm going to be a fukutaicho, Ichigo. Ukitake Taicho needs me to help him. He's going to train me to acquire bankai."

Ichigo felt himself stiffen. "What?"

"That was what I'm trying to tell you. They want you to become a taicho and I'll be your fukutaicho."

(end flashback)

…

…

…

Rukia did not know what awaited her. True, she left Ichigo in a hurry and in secret, so he was bound to have been really pissed at her. It might have not been her choice, but it was the only option that she had. Ichigo had to get rid of his hollow side. If she left him to grow old, he might change his mind, giving her the chance to once again present the idea of giving him a soul burial to purify his soul. Was that course of action her mistake?

…

…

…

Slowly she crept into the window of his room. Karin and Yuzu have grown and moved out of their home. Isshin was probably out somewhere – thus they would be undisturbed. Just how far along was Ichigo gone?

…

…

…

"Rukia-chan."

Rukia stepped back, as she saw Ichigo seated on the floor, leaning against the closet door. What surprised her even more was the fact that Ichigo did not age a day since they last saw each other.

Why was it that there was no sense of the hollow's reiatsu in the air despite the fact that it was already outside? Rukia was dismayed to find that Ichigo had delved into his hollow's consciousness for too long. Now it was able to hide itself deep into his soul. "Ichigo." She said sternly. This was the only way to bring him to his senses. To mollycoddle him would only serve to strengthen the hollow. "Ichigo, you are strong. Fight it, Ichigo."

"The king is weak, Rukia-chan." the hollow said quietly. It was no longer mocking and angry. In fact it sounded… content. It was unheard of in any hollow!

"You!" she hissed. "How long have you been outside?"

The hollow laughed. "I lost track, Rukia-chan. Days, weeks, months, years, who cares?" he fixed her with A level stare that was decidedly mocking. "Took you long enough."

"Shut up!"

Standing, the hollow laughed, looming over Rukia. But she would not budge. She would not step aside. She will make sure that Ichigo got back to his senses. "Get out."

"But the king is out, Rukia-chan. I'm not stupid enough to not take advantage of a weak king like Ichigo. It's all thanks to you, you know?" There was no reaction that flashed across Rukia's face, but the hollow knew that she was daring him to spill the reason behind Ichigo's descent into madness.

"Its all your fault, Rukia-chan, leaving the king like that. He didn't sleep for weeks, barely eating anything. He SHRIVLED Rukia-chan, and its all your fault!" the hollow laughed, a sound that was grating on Rukia's nerves.

Suddenly, his hands shot up to his head. Ichigo gave out a blood-curdling scream of pain. Instinctively, Rukia knew that it was Ichigo fighting dominance over his hollow side. Without any word, she flung her arms around him.

"Ichigo. Ichigo. Ichigo." She chanted over and over like a mantra. "Ichigo. Ichigo. Ichigo."

As the man she loved continued to scream in pain, Rukia cried. She cried for everything he went through. She cried for thinking him invulnerable. She cried for causing him pain.

Somehow the wailing ceased and Rukia sat on the floor, with Ichigo lying on her lap, unconscious. Sobbing, she ran her hands through his hair.

"Rukia." A voice mumbled tiredly. "You came back."

"You idiot."

Ichigo smiled wearily. "Yeah." He closed his eyes, feeling Rukia's hand caress the side of his face. "Sorry."

"For what?" she whispered. Her voice was hoarse, as if she had been crying a great deal.

"For making you cry. I'm sorry."

The hand stilled. "It won't happen again."

Ichigo shook his head vehemently. "I can't promise. I was unable to stop him for such a long time. Three years, Rukia. I was lucky to have not killed anyone. I tried stopping him, but I couldn't fully…

"You will." Rukia said with conviction. "We will."

"We?" Ichigo looked up to face her determined stare. There were still tears in her eyes, but Rukia looked at him with certainty. "But your duties? What would Ukitake say?"

Rukia touched his brow gently. "I told him I'd stay here until you need me. If I would not return in a year, I asked him to replace me."

Ichigo looked thunderstruck. "But Rukia, that's what you wanted, to be his fukutaicho! What about Byakuya and Renji?"

"Ukitake taicho will understand." She told him gently. "Nii-sama will have to understand, so will Renji."

"But –

"We will have to deal with your hollow first."

Ichigo reached up to touch her cheek. "I'm sorry for being weak."

"You are the strongest man that I know." She said, bending down to meet his lips for a kiss.

He felt Rukia's lips on his, settling gently as she placed small kisses on his lip. He returned it as gently as he could; seeking, begging, and worshiping her. Ichigo bought his hands to the back of her nape as he angled his mouth to kiss her deeply. Silently, he coaxed her lips apart so as to touch her tongue with his.

It was like all those years melted away, as Rukia moaned against his mouth. Wordlessly, she tugged at the buttons on his shirt, deftly prying them open. Once she was able to dispose of this problem, Rukia ran her small hands over his chest.

He was no means idle, for at that moment, Ichigo was also busy, trying to untangle the obi of Rukia's shinigami robes. As this was discarded, more followed: his shirt, her gi, his pants, and her hakama, until the floor was littered with clothing.

It had been far too long since Ichigo held Rukia this closely. He had missed the closeness, the intimacy between them. She was still the same. She still felt the same. He reveled in feeling her fragrant, smooth, and white skin beneath his fingertips and his lips. Ichigo felt his senses swamped by emotions and texture, that he almost found his release. But he was more concerned about letting her feel that he was able to put a reign on the impulses that were screaming at him to fully take her and fill her.

Beneath him, Rukia was trembling violently, her mind blanked and unable to form any coherent thought aside from his name ringing in her head over and over. Ten years was a lifetime to her, but as his fingers and lips re-traced his mental map of her body, the wait she spent seemed to dissolve into nothingness. Eyes hazy with desire, she too used her hands to trace his form, feeling the warmth of his body, letting her nose smell his scent.

"Ichigo." She was able to force her brain to work. "Why?" she whimpered as she felt his mouth on her breast.

"Why what?" he asked, voice tight with tension. His breath heating her skin even more.

Despite its temporary meltdown, her brain was sending her signals that something was wrong. Rukia came to realize that Ichigo was much too focused on her. Unable to convey her thoughts, she grasped his face to look into his eyes.

"I'm sorry for causing you pain." He said raggedly. "I'm sorry for taking your dreams away."

"Idiot." She snapped. "Get over your guilt, moron! What dreams are you talking about? I'm doing this for the both of us so just get over it!"

Amazingly, they were fighting while even in the middle of their lovemaking.

Being normal really wasn't their style.

As she felt ichigo's fingers find her, Rukia saw that the glint was back in his eyes. That playful yet serious look that he always had whenever they were engaged in such an intimate activity. She was not disappointed to see the love he felt for her reflected in his eyes, as well as that tempestuous desire that was immediately given free reign.

"Ichigo!" she pleaded.

Gazing straight in her eyes, ichigo said reverently. "I love you, Rukia." Before thrusting himself in her repeatedly to lose themselves in each other.

…

As she slept in his arms contentedly, Ichigo glanced at the bedside clock. It was three in the morning; amazing how they lasted for hours. With affection, he turned to face the slumbering face of Rukia. Gently, he let his hand run across her face, lingering on her lips and cheeks.

I'm so sorry, Rukia. He said in his mind. This time, sounding even the more anguished.

Ichigo felt the stirrings of guilt awaken in him, reminding him of the cost he paid to get her back. He forced them away, Rukia will never know, and everything will turn out well. If he played his cards right for a year, Rukia will never return to Soul Society, Ukitake will have to get a new fukutaicho, and Byakuya will be forced to give them his blessing.

He and Rukia would soon have the life they wanted. A family of their own, growing and staying together forever.

If anyone had told him earlier that Ichigo would fall in love in the lowest, most darkest way possible, he would have never believed it. This was not the pure love that he imagined himself feeling. He wondered if his father already knew this side of him, and if his mother was turning in her grave with the knowledge that her beloved son was destroying the dreams of a woman for his happiness. Rukia had so much trust in him, that she did not question his reasoning. She decided to leave her brother, her friends, and her position both as a shinigami and as a noble to be with him, to try and save him from the darkness.

He was no hero, but a villain that was just as twisted as Aizen had been. He used that love for his own selfish purposes. In truth, he was in no danger contrary to what Rukia worried about. In fact, if there was anyone who had to be more wary, it was Rukia herself who placed herself in the hands of a man who was selfish to want everything about her and to possess her.

Everything he wanted was in his grasp: the unmatched power to protect and the woman he loved with his whole heart.

Ichigo would do anything to get his happiness, even use his hollow to deceive her.

…

…

…

_You're smirking enough to scare people, King._

Ichigo felt a bubble of laughter rise in his chest as his hollow's words. He closed his eyes briefly to find himself in his inner world once again.

Belatedly, Ichigo realized that it was a long time since he last spoke with his hollow side this way. The time he spent suppressing his hollow paid off that he no longer needed to visit his inner world and to shut the hollow up when he wanted to.

"I did what you wanted king."

"I know, and I won't be forced to destroy you."

His hollow side snickered. "You'll lose your powers and you know that king."

Ichigo looked at the other coolly. "Only a fraction of my powers, and you know it. Between the two of us, I'm the one who won't mind seeing you destroyed." He wanted to laugh at the reaction of his hollow. It was afraid, and with good reason. "Besides, I let you out a lot during the past three years, why are you complaining?"

"I didn't get to eat souls."

"Just try it and I WILL destroy you." Ichigo warned before relaxing again. "And oh yeah, I'm allowing you to go out several times this year. So be careful when you go about Karakura."

The hollow laughed. "Of course I do! You have to keep up the pretenses for Rukia-chan right? I mean, we can't have her finding out that YOU'RE the one controlling ME."

"You better not forget that." Ichigo said darkly as he waved his hand to make his hollow disappear.

He was the king, he will never be forced off his horse anymore.

Turning around, Ichigo saw Zangetsu perched on top of a lopsided skyscraper. "Are you here to tell me to forget about my plan, Zangetsu?"

Without emotion, Zangetsu looked at him. "Will you stop the rain now, Ichigo?" he asked, referring to the drizzle that was a perpetual fixture in his inner world.

As the sun broke out from behind the dark clouds, Ichigo extended his hand and made his zanpaktuo materialize in it.

Feeling Rukia's reiatsu, Ichigo smirked softly. "She will never leave me again, old man."


End file.
